i wished for...her.

its so funny.
last weekend i went to st. louis to go to this club.
and the whooooole time...from the 2 hour ride there....to the amazing views of the skyline downtown...
i wish she could have shared it with me...
i wish she could have been sittin in the passengers seat and seen the exact same view i seen of the arch and all the tall buildings downtown.
i wanted her to be the one to help me pick out my energy drink wen we stopped at that BP on the way..

i pictured her sitting with me in the club laughin at all the drunk people TRYING to dance.
=]

sometimes i sit back and wonder "what if"...which is never healthy by the way...*random thought*

back to the basics..disappointment...betrayal...my current moods/feelings/blah...whatever the fuck part of speech them words are...i thought i had past that stage of "searching for your true friends"....then someone laughed in my face and told me that you never quite pass that stage of life...

bullshit.

my dad went to FL, AL, and aint no tellin where else this summer...and i found out about it 2 days ago..no big deal right? i guess....im still tryin to figure out why the shit he does still baffles me and pisses me off...and then he said..."this summer was one of the best summers i have ever had"...yeaaa...the one u dnt spend with your daughter...but ur girlfriend...whome i have only met twice...you would think after about 4 years of disappoint i would be used to that shit...then i was told that the fucked up shit a parent does is somethin you never really get used to...*shrugs*...idk..

moving on...

my mom...

thats i whoooooole new topic all together...

we never could get along.

and the fact that im gay dnt help the situation none.

o well...

her loss

=[

To [her].

she will probably never know exactly how i feel about her.
but everything inside me is burning to come out and just....tell her.
its almost lik her existence in my life was somehow planned out and put into action the way it was supposed to cuz...no matter how long we go without speakin...or jokin about pointless things..i kno shes not goin anywhere.
she taught me that its ok to be myself...
and that it is possible to find a "soul mate"....even if not the romantic way.
she will forever be chained to my ♥...
because she loves me for me and could care less about my past...
she taught me that there are people in this world that care more about looks.
her presence give me butterflies and jus the sound of her voice makes me [cheese] form ear to ear...my asian persuasion lolz....

my bestie.