if not,
you are the prototype.
we'll tiptoe to the sun
& do things.
i know you like.
i think im in love, again.
this is what spoke to me most.
so this is what i posted.
dnt get it?
not supposed to.
=]
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
She's Out of my Life.
my first heartbreak was on august 19, 2009.
my older sister told me that her & my best friend were together.
a best friend that, after 5 years, had managed to win my heart without even trying.
Or maybe she had tried...but i never noticed.
a best friend who got all the "girlfriend royalties" without the physical aspect.
a best friend who knew me inside & out, front & back.
late night drunken phone calls, 3 years of valentine's days.
in my eyes she was mine.
Granted we were best friends, but we both had an understanding:
from the outside looking in everyone had their own opinions of us.
"are you guys fuckin" or "are you together" or "friends with benefits?"
were ALWAYS asked.
but we would both just laugh & say "nah --- we're best friends."
she could do no wrong in my eyes.
over 5 years, i sat through girlfriends, booty calls, & baby mamas.
i was a good friend...
& its funny that one person, my sister, could step in & change up my whole world.
by knowingly making a pass at....her.
not any other girl....but her.
yes, we were best friends --- but psh...really?
she'll never meet anymore of my friends.
she made that decision herself....
the more i think about it, the more answers i want,
the more my heart breaks.
after 2 months i still can't put my finger on it.
i don't cry anymore...just wonder.
shortie is still my best friend.
my sister & i are more like associates.
my heart still hurts --- but its healing up.
my older sister told me that her & my best friend were together.
a best friend that, after 5 years, had managed to win my heart without even trying.
Or maybe she had tried...but i never noticed.
a best friend who got all the "girlfriend royalties" without the physical aspect.
a best friend who knew me inside & out, front & back.
late night drunken phone calls, 3 years of valentine's days.
in my eyes she was mine.
Granted we were best friends, but we both had an understanding:
from the outside looking in everyone had their own opinions of us.
"are you guys fuckin" or "are you together" or "friends with benefits?"
were ALWAYS asked.
but we would both just laugh & say "nah --- we're best friends."
she could do no wrong in my eyes.
over 5 years, i sat through girlfriends, booty calls, & baby mamas.
i was a good friend...
& its funny that one person, my sister, could step in & change up my whole world.
by knowingly making a pass at....her.
not any other girl....but her.
yes, we were best friends --- but psh...really?
she'll never meet anymore of my friends.
she made that decision herself....
the more i think about it, the more answers i want,
the more my heart breaks.
after 2 months i still can't put my finger on it.
i don't cry anymore...just wonder.
shortie is still my best friend.
my sister & i are more like associates.
my heart still hurts --- but its healing up.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Kanye Swift -- Taylor West.
HA --- you mean you missed it?
shame on you...here is the aftermath:
DVRs all over the world were rewinding at the exact same time.
& its funny, because right after the incident facebook, myspace, twitter, &
all the rest of networking sites around the net were blazing with shit like,
"kanye is wrong for that" or "she's just a little girl".
psh.
ask diddy if he gives a FUCK less whether his interns are 17.
we're talking the entertainment industry.
if it wasn't kanye who hurt that girls feelings it would have been someone
else, trust.
Not even that --- why is the world getting all bent outta shape at
kanye for being KANYE.
thats like askin donald trump not to be an asshole...or mj not to moonwalk.
Kanye is a cocky bastard...everyone knows it...& i love him for it.
he speaks his mind -- if he thinks that beyonce shoulda won the moon man
then SHIT --- he thinks beyonce shoulda won the moon man!!!
maybe he shouldn't have takin taylor's spotlight...but are u surprised?
shame on you...here is the aftermath:
DVRs all over the world were rewinding at the exact same time.
& its funny, because right after the incident facebook, myspace, twitter, &
all the rest of networking sites around the net were blazing with shit like,
"kanye is wrong for that" or "she's just a little girl".
psh.
ask diddy if he gives a FUCK less whether his interns are 17.
we're talking the entertainment industry.
if it wasn't kanye who hurt that girls feelings it would have been someone
else, trust.
Not even that --- why is the world getting all bent outta shape at
kanye for being KANYE.
thats like askin donald trump not to be an asshole...or mj not to moonwalk.
Kanye is a cocky bastard...everyone knows it...& i love him for it.
he speaks his mind -- if he thinks that beyonce shoulda won the moon man
then SHIT --- he thinks beyonce shoulda won the moon man!!!
maybe he shouldn't have takin taylor's spotlight...but are u surprised?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
stuck in thee middle -- or out in thee cold.
Either way, its a bad situation.
whether their around or not its one of those 2
outcomes.
& it doesnt effect anyone else but me.
moral of thee story: if ur best friend & older sister are both gay,
dnt EVER introduce them.
it will be all bad after that.
*shrugs-
whether their around or not its one of those 2
outcomes.
& it doesnt effect anyone else but me.
moral of thee story: if ur best friend & older sister are both gay,
dnt EVER introduce them.
it will be all bad after that.
*shrugs-
Thursday, August 13, 2009
its tme to grow.
i learned the very hard & hurtful way that you never really know someone as well as you think you do --- even blood. there is always something about someone that you don't know --- & when you figure it out it's going to hurt.
well.
at least it did for me.
*in grieving*
well.
at least it did for me.
*in grieving*
Friday, July 17, 2009
inspired by a penny.
"find a penny/
pick it up/
all day long/
you'll have good luck."
um.
crap.
i found a penny today.
heads UP.
and what happened?
i bleached my favorite undies on accident.
stumped by toe getting out the shower.
AND they left the mac sauce off my mcdouble at mickeyD's.
hehe.
alright alright.
so maybe my day hasnt been full of
bad luck.
im just not the superstitious type.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
NEWS FLASH; music changes forever.
"michael jackson, dead at 50."
*cut to commercial*
MTV repeated video after video.
BET worked somethin in to 106&park.
and i sit and think of my 14th birthday; all i wanted
was a "best of jackson 5" CD.
and i got it; and i can tell u what track number each song is.
"never can say goodbye" caught me from the crooklyn soundtrack.
"everytime i think ive had enought and start heading for the door;
theres a very strange vibration that pierces me right to the core;
it says turn around you fool; you know you love her more and more;
tell me why...is it so....that i...
never can say goodbye."
true shit.
Mr. Jackson said it best.
RIP love.
imma still bump "the girl is mine"
and dance around my room to "baby be mine"
and expect "thriller" to be played AT LEAST once
every halloween.
=]
Saturday, June 6, 2009
letter to my future.
my aim is to make your
childhood a better one than
my own;
i won't promise not to accidently
show up at school with curlers in my hair,
but to make up for it ill pack your favorite
juice box, the one that always makes your teeth purple.
remember, you'll never be
put second....
every band concert and
every skinned knee and
all the missing teeth will be witnessed.
"leave me alone" will never be spoken
because lord knows that your presence
is a must in my life.
your my reason for living and
know that as long as your here
my life is perfect, or near.
i promise to listen before i yell;
and no, i dnt have to be the one
you tell all your secrets to,
but i want to be the one
you let dry your tears, even if i
dnt know why their here.
i promise to always fight for you,
even when your too weak to fight for yourself.
and for your own sake, i wish
that you look like your donor;
just to avoid the nonsense i went through,
before my looks caught up to me.
i want my drive to reside in
you and bring out the light that was
always so dim in me.
i wish you happiness; even if it makes me mad.
i want you to wear basketball shorts and
jordans to the mall on a saturday
while all the other girls sport dresses,
but only if its what you want.
i promise to help you with your math homework,
and be ok with the fact that you want to be
an accountant; but dont be mad when i always
push art your way.
and even though i think soccer
is like watching paint dry i promise to be at
every home game; and most of the aways.
and even though your probably gonna hate me
for this; i promise there is a reason why you
have a curfew, but no; i wnt flip out
if your 4 minutes late.
and i cnt wait to spend
saturday afternoons walking along
the beach and leaving our footprints in the sand;
telling you all the things my parents never
told me.
like how it would take all the forces
in all the land to replace you.
or how no matter what anyone says
"no DOES mean no"...
and if someone doesnt understand that
its ok to knee them.
i promise to protect you;
and just so you know,
i pray that your not one of those
statistics with single moms;
but if so i swear to be the best i can, even if its by myself.
and yes, 9 times outta 10, your gonna
have to get a job when you turn 16.
not because im cutting you off;
but because no matter what you think right now,
it will help you in the long run.
and when you doubt yourself
i promise to be the last person to lose faith
in you;
i swear to call you beautiful, because you truely are.
even when your fresh out of bed;
ill tell you all the things my mother never told me like,
"regardless of what anyone says to you, your beautiful"
or
"none of your dreams are impossible."
and as important as your grades are;
its fine if your not in the top 5% of your class;
but just to clear things up..anything below a B-
will be reason for grounding.
not to be harsh i just need to make sure
you understand that school is first.
childhood a better one than
my own;
i won't promise not to accidently
show up at school with curlers in my hair,
but to make up for it ill pack your favorite
juice box, the one that always makes your teeth purple.
remember, you'll never be
put second....
every band concert and
every skinned knee and
all the missing teeth will be witnessed.
"leave me alone" will never be spoken
because lord knows that your presence
is a must in my life.
your my reason for living and
know that as long as your here
my life is perfect, or near.
i promise to listen before i yell;
and no, i dnt have to be the one
you tell all your secrets to,
but i want to be the one
you let dry your tears, even if i
dnt know why their here.
i promise to always fight for you,
even when your too weak to fight for yourself.
and for your own sake, i wish
that you look like your donor;
just to avoid the nonsense i went through,
before my looks caught up to me.
i want my drive to reside in
you and bring out the light that was
always so dim in me.
i wish you happiness; even if it makes me mad.
i want you to wear basketball shorts and
jordans to the mall on a saturday
while all the other girls sport dresses,
but only if its what you want.
i promise to help you with your math homework,
and be ok with the fact that you want to be
an accountant; but dont be mad when i always
push art your way.
and even though i think soccer
is like watching paint dry i promise to be at
every home game; and most of the aways.
and even though your probably gonna hate me
for this; i promise there is a reason why you
have a curfew, but no; i wnt flip out
if your 4 minutes late.
and i cnt wait to spend
saturday afternoons walking along
the beach and leaving our footprints in the sand;
telling you all the things my parents never
told me.
like how it would take all the forces
in all the land to replace you.
or how no matter what anyone says
"no DOES mean no"...
and if someone doesnt understand that
its ok to knee them.
i promise to protect you;
and just so you know,
i pray that your not one of those
statistics with single moms;
but if so i swear to be the best i can, even if its by myself.
and yes, 9 times outta 10, your gonna
have to get a job when you turn 16.
not because im cutting you off;
but because no matter what you think right now,
it will help you in the long run.
and when you doubt yourself
i promise to be the last person to lose faith
in you;
i swear to call you beautiful, because you truely are.
even when your fresh out of bed;
ill tell you all the things my mother never told me like,
"regardless of what anyone says to you, your beautiful"
or
"none of your dreams are impossible."
and as important as your grades are;
its fine if your not in the top 5% of your class;
but just to clear things up..anything below a B-
will be reason for grounding.
not to be harsh i just need to make sure
you understand that school is first.
Friday, May 29, 2009
there comes a time....
i have; im just doing more of it.
my ENTIRE life i have always known what
was next; and now....i don't.
was next; and now....i don't.
and its scary.
i always knew that some things never really worked
out the EXACT way you want them to....
but this is the first time that it actually hit me.....hard.
there was always a next step; after school-homework.
after homework-work.
after work-bed.
after middle school-high school.
after high school-college??? i guess??
blah.
thoughts.
jumbles.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
friends with money.
its funny because even now it continues
to amaze me and leave me in a baffle
when i knew before i even started that
it wasnt right...but...i couldnt fight it.
ugh...it sucks to think that all your hopes
and dreams are just that...when your younger
it doesnt dawn on you that the way you plan
your life to be might not turn out.
*shrugs*
ask me if 6 years ago i thought i would be
dealing with the things i am now?
not even.
but ive grown...and learned.
the past few months have been learning experiences for me. im still learning.changing.growing...
and its so hard.
too hard.
bye for now.
*waving*
to amaze me and leave me in a baffle
when i knew before i even started that
it wasnt right...but...i couldnt fight it.
ugh...it sucks to think that all your hopes
and dreams are just that...when your younger
it doesnt dawn on you that the way you plan
your life to be might not turn out.
*shrugs*
ask me if 6 years ago i thought i would be
dealing with the things i am now?
not even.
but ive grown...and learned.
the past few months have been learning experiences for me. im still learning.changing.growing...
and its so hard.
too hard.
bye for now.
*waving*
Friday, April 24, 2009
its 5;15am....
and i havent even been to sleep yet.
been up since about 2pm....no naps or nothin. *shrugs*
my mind is occupied....with lots of things.
i saw a friend today.
and yesterday.
and the day before that.
this move...smh....its goin well...but idk if it was wats best.
but im dealin till august.
cuz i have no choice.
or at least may 17th...ugh...graduation...
its crazy to think im done.
and wats even crazier for me is that next year....
ill still be in school; but with a different group of folks.
i grew up with the folks in my class....as much as a hate them fuckers.
its gonna be weird sittin in class with other ppl....but its the change i need.
im ready to go somewhere where nobody knows my name.
i can start COMPLETELY over....be whoever i wanna be.
or..in that case...be MYSELF.
i have found that person....but its soooo hard to start over
dealin with the same ppl...same environment....same situations.
it can be done....but...blah...
i have the chance to leave and get that new start....so trust...im takin it.
been up since about 2pm....no naps or nothin. *shrugs*
my mind is occupied....with lots of things.
i saw a friend today.
and yesterday.
and the day before that.
this move...smh....its goin well...but idk if it was wats best.
but im dealin till august.
cuz i have no choice.
or at least may 17th...ugh...graduation...
its crazy to think im done.
and wats even crazier for me is that next year....
ill still be in school; but with a different group of folks.
i grew up with the folks in my class....as much as a hate them fuckers.
its gonna be weird sittin in class with other ppl....but its the change i need.
im ready to go somewhere where nobody knows my name.
i can start COMPLETELY over....be whoever i wanna be.
or..in that case...be MYSELF.
i have found that person....but its soooo hard to start over
dealin with the same ppl...same environment....same situations.
it can be done....but...blah...
i have the chance to leave and get that new start....so trust...im takin it.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
caramel frapp && Jimi Hendrix.....
definately = heaven on earth....
so i was strolling thru the music section at barnes and noble and came across a biography of jimi hendrix....
wat did i do u ask?
went to the starbucks...grabbed a frap....and consumed my brain with "purple haze"
:)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
a letter to my everything
As we were sitting in church
i noticed the veins poking out of his hand.
And it amazed me that the blood
flowing thru those veins masked enough energy to maintain a body so.....great.
i noticed the veins poking out of his hand.
And it amazed me that the blood
flowing thru those veins masked enough energy to maintain a body so.....great.
The way he could look at me
and understand exactly what was goin thru my mind and why it was vexing me.
The only person who cared enough about my well being not to worry about his.
Love you uncle.
Friday, March 13, 2009
its called help.
i have never been a fan of ppl telling me things i didnt want to hear...
but needed to hear.....
i get attached really easily.
sometimes i hate bein left alone.
im a perfectionist and can never seem to let things be.
i talk about my future like its already set in stone.
my past is my past.
and as hard as it has been....it hasnt effected my present.
and i dnt want it to start.
but needed to hear.....
i get attached really easily.
sometimes i hate bein left alone.
im a perfectionist and can never seem to let things be.
i talk about my future like its already set in stone.
my past is my past.
and as hard as it has been....it hasnt effected my present.
and i dnt want it to start.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
motives.&&.thoughts......
are driving me I N S A N E.
*shrugs*
she came to me from another life &&
instead of waiting for me there, she surprised me here.
its IMPOSSIBLE to have never met her before.....
...meaning, coincidence is fake.
nothing happens "just because".
theres a reason [no matter how minute] for everything.
hmph.
my thoughts are jumbled.&& motives clear.
for some weird reason....
...i wish i could help her find her "something.amazing"
*shrugs*
*shrugs*
she came to me from another life &&
instead of waiting for me there, she surprised me here.
its IMPOSSIBLE to have never met her before.....
...meaning, coincidence is fake.
nothing happens "just because".
theres a reason [no matter how minute] for everything.
hmph.
my thoughts are jumbled.&& motives clear.
for some weird reason....
...i wish i could help her find her "something.amazing"
*shrugs*
Monday, February 2, 2009
girl.dont.you.know....
your so beautiful....
musiq soulchild...i swear if i were even the least bit heterosexual i would do him and make him sing to me every single time.
mercy.
lmao
music.
musiq.
business.
musiq soulchild...i swear if i were even the least bit heterosexual i would do him and make him sing to me every single time.
mercy.
lmao
music.
musiq.
business.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
again..because i can. =]
Are you mad at your best friend?
nope
Have you had sex with more then 25 partners?
whore-ish...no.
Last kiss?
last nite.
How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
no clue.
Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
mhm...
Have you ever watched "The Young & the Restless?"
yes....did i like it? no ma'am
Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house?
yessir
Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold?
beer....if i drink it.
Do you still have feelings for your exes?
nope.
Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
sanchez...hehe
Did you sleep in past noon today?
no ma'am
Anything exciting happening in the month of December?
ummm...i got 11 months to see....
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
mhm
How many different colors are you wearing right now?
2
Want someone back in your life?
kinda...yea
Has a boy/girl put their arm around you the past 5 days?
mhm
Who was the last person who called you?
uhhhh...kris.
Do you have friends of the opposite sex you can talk to?
yes ma'am
Anything annoying you right now?
its cold....very cold.
Who knows you the best?
me
Does anyone call you babe?
mhm
Would you ever steal someone's boyfriend or girlfriend?
not intentionally
What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
uhhhh..smoked.
Is this year gonna be the best year of your life?
who knows...i guess we'll see
Are you trying to avoid liking/loving somebody at the moment?
not really
When was the last time someone called you babe?
yesterday
When was the last time you were really confused?
about 2 weeks ago wen i was sittin in chemistry class.
Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
=]
What was the last thing you cried about?
uhhhhhhh...mom.
Would you do anything to have someone back in your life?
depends on who it is.
What are you doing besides this?
watching 106 and park and listenin to music....
Any plans for tomorrow?
uhhhhh...clean up....get ready for thrusday.
nope
Have you had sex with more then 25 partners?
whore-ish...no.
Last kiss?
last nite.
How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
no clue.
Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
mhm...
Have you ever watched "The Young & the Restless?"
yes....did i like it? no ma'am
Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house?
yessir
Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold?
beer....if i drink it.
Do you still have feelings for your exes?
nope.
Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
sanchez...hehe
Did you sleep in past noon today?
no ma'am
Anything exciting happening in the month of December?
ummm...i got 11 months to see....
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
mhm
How many different colors are you wearing right now?
2
Want someone back in your life?
kinda...yea
Has a boy/girl put their arm around you the past 5 days?
mhm
Who was the last person who called you?
uhhhh...kris.
Do you have friends of the opposite sex you can talk to?
yes ma'am
Anything annoying you right now?
its cold....very cold.
Who knows you the best?
me
Does anyone call you babe?
mhm
Would you ever steal someone's boyfriend or girlfriend?
not intentionally
What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
uhhhh..smoked.
Is this year gonna be the best year of your life?
who knows...i guess we'll see
Are you trying to avoid liking/loving somebody at the moment?
not really
When was the last time someone called you babe?
yesterday
When was the last time you were really confused?
about 2 weeks ago wen i was sittin in chemistry class.
Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
=]
What was the last thing you cried about?
uhhhhhhh...mom.
Would you do anything to have someone back in your life?
depends on who it is.
What are you doing besides this?
watching 106 and park and listenin to music....
Any plans for tomorrow?
uhhhhh...clean up....get ready for thrusday.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
just because i can....
A- FAVE BRAND & COLOR OF APPLES: uhhhh..idk...ill get back to u
B- BOXERS/BRIEFS/BIKINI/BOYCUT: boxer briefs.
C- CHRISTMAS IS: nice wen with family.
D- FAVORITE DANCE: uhhhh...rite now...hip roll is classic. lmao
E- VIEWS ON EUROPE: its hawt...i wanna go.
F- FRUIT IS : yummy.
G- GIRL & GUY FRIENDS: both...more guy friends tho.
H- HATRED VS ABHOR: abhor? this was a vocab word..fuck...wat does it mean again?
I- RANDOM 'I' FACT: i have a birthmark of my boob that looks like dirty lmao
J- CURRENT JOB: waitress...blah
K- KINKY THINGS U LIKE: sheesh...so personal.
L- THINGS I FIND LOVELY: girls. and..ummm...music.
M- MASSAGES: flippin yes.
N- THING YOU'D DEF SAY NO TO: crack....its whack.
O- OTHERS THINK I'M: a bitch...or amazing.
P- FUNNIEST/FAVORITE PICK UP LINE USED OR HEARD: can i spray you with this fire extinguisher cuz u are HOTT! lmfao...that was a good nite.
Q- QUIET: not at all.
R- THINGS U DO TO RELAX: music.
S- SEX IS: awesome. =]
T- TODAY'S PLANS WERE: skool till 1230...work at 5.
U- UNCLE SAM: wants you!!!!
V- LAST VACATION: uhhhh..been a minute.
W-WISHES MADE: happiness.
X- XRATED THING U'VE DONE: again...so personal.
Y- YOUR PLANS FOR TOMORROW: skool till 1230...movies with the bestie.
Z- ZZZZZsss [AKA YOUR BEDTIME IS]: wenever i hit REM.
B- BOXERS/BRIEFS/BIKINI/BOYCUT: boxer briefs.
C- CHRISTMAS IS: nice wen with family.
D- FAVORITE DANCE: uhhhh...rite now...hip roll is classic. lmao
E- VIEWS ON EUROPE: its hawt...i wanna go.
F- FRUIT IS : yummy.
G- GIRL & GUY FRIENDS: both...more guy friends tho.
H- HATRED VS ABHOR: abhor? this was a vocab word..fuck...wat does it mean again?
I- RANDOM 'I' FACT: i have a birthmark of my boob that looks like dirty lmao
J- CURRENT JOB: waitress...blah
K- KINKY THINGS U LIKE: sheesh...so personal.
L- THINGS I FIND LOVELY: girls. and..ummm...music.
M- MASSAGES: flippin yes.
N- THING YOU'D DEF SAY NO TO: crack....its whack.
O- OTHERS THINK I'M: a bitch...or amazing.
P- FUNNIEST/FAVORITE PICK UP LINE USED OR HEARD: can i spray you with this fire extinguisher cuz u are HOTT! lmfao...that was a good nite.
Q- QUIET: not at all.
R- THINGS U DO TO RELAX: music.
S- SEX IS: awesome. =]
T- TODAY'S PLANS WERE: skool till 1230...work at 5.
U- UNCLE SAM: wants you!!!!
V- LAST VACATION: uhhhh..been a minute.
W-WISHES MADE: happiness.
X- XRATED THING U'VE DONE: again...so personal.
Y- YOUR PLANS FOR TOMORROW: skool till 1230...movies with the bestie.
Z- ZZZZZsss [AKA YOUR BEDTIME IS]: wenever i hit REM.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
